Week one is done and I'm feeling ok! The official weigh in has me at -7 pounds for the week.  Not as much as I was hoping for my first week but I'll take it. I know next week the numbers wont be as high but I'm hoping for 3. My mini goal is 260 by 4th of July.

What's your next mini goal? What are you doing to achieve it?

I had a gain today. I'm up .8 pounds from yesterday. I'm still down 6.4 for the week so I should feel accomplished but I actually just feel defeated. Yesterday I was so happy with myself. I took pride in myself.  I did my hair and make up just because I felt like I was worth it and I had so much confidence. I was feeling like "YES! I can do this!" and then today the old voices start creeping in. "Why bother? You're always going to be fat." Well this time I'm not giving up. Its ridiculous that .8 pounds can make me doubt myself. I'm just as awesome as I was yesterday dang it! I started this journey and that's something  to take pride in. As long as I try my best I should be confident. I'm sure the numbers will go up and down a million times throughout this process so I have to focus on more than just the numbers.

I thought that I did really well yesterday. I made good choices but I may have eaten less than I should have. I think I do better staying at the top of my caloric range for now. I'm also going to commit to only weighing in on Mondays. It was exciting to watch the numbers drop but as it slows I think it will just be a discouragement.

How are your weigh ins going?

Again

So, here I am again. Starting all over- AGAIN. I know, I know. If you don't want to keep starting over quit giving up.  I'm five days in to my plan and feeling ok. I'm upping my calories that I allow myself and hoping that I dont feel deprived and fall of the wagon again.

The hubby has moved to Ohio for a new job. I'm hoping that makes it easier on me. I have enough willpower on my own but when he's here and wanting to eat out or eat pure crap is so much harder for me.

First official weigh in is on Monday. I Of course I've been weighing myself anyway. I'm down 4.5 pounds. Hoping for 6 by Monday!

New dining room

We bought a new dining room table and chairs this weekend. It will be nice to be able to actually eat at a table like a family. The set is nice but came unassembled. Hubby brought in the boxes containing the chairs no problem but he needed help with the table.

As I struggled to push that table up the stairs and to the dining room I saw the weight on the side of the box. Gross weight: 147 lbs. That's right around how much I want to lose. Essentially I am carrying around an extra kitchen table every single day. No wonder I'm always exhausted from doing nothing. I can't imagine how much better I'll feel when it's gone. I cant imagine the gained energy from just HALF of it being gone.

For once I feel excited about the possibilities for the future! I just hope this motivation lasts!

Four days at a time

I live my life four days at a time. Hubby works for four 12 hour days and then has 4 days off. It's nice, but when he's off I have a VERY hard time staying on track.

While he's at work I'm just fine with my grilled chicken salads and cups of grapes but when he's hope I'm conditioned to eat out which I'm not ready for. Yesterday we were out running errands and the whole family was hungry. It would have been so easy to just stop and grab lunch but we finished what we had to do and came home to eat. Small victory, but I'll take it.

Only 3 more days to go!

The end of another day...

and I feel GREAT!

I know I'm just starting but I feel empowered right now. I'm making good choices that I UNDERSTAND. As much as I liked the idea behind Weight Watchers I never knew how many points something was without running to a calculator. I like the simplicity of counting calories.

I'm on my eighth glass of water right now and Ive tracked every morsel that I've put in my mouth. In terms of my little goals I'm doing great. I just hope the scale reflects that!

Everyone has a story

Everyone has a story. An ah-hah moment of how did I get this way. A passing glance in a mirror where you just don't recognize yourself anymore. I think if you're honest you admit that you probably have several of these moments before you commit to a change.

I'd like to say that this is it. This is the last time starting this journey but the truth is I know how far I have to go and when the going gets tough..well, I tend to quit and run away.

I'm scared. I'm scared that if I don't make huge changes I wont live much longer. I'm scared that my little girl won't have a mom.

It's embarrassing to live like this. I'm ashamed that I have let myself get this far. I'm hoping and praying that the inspiration I have right now will be enough to kick this.